The Self-Limiting Triad
Hey everyone!
In this earlier issue, I introduced the self-limiting triad as 3 major constructs that lay the foundation to our self-limiting tendencies. I made it up from personal observations about myself and from many others as well.
Today I’d like to re-visit it and add a few things after an extra few months of contemplation.
Most of what I say on my newsletter, podcast, Twitter and Instagram can all be linked back to this triad. Feeling better and achieving more ultimately requires consistently working on ourselves to perceive a world that serves us better.
And because of that, I am a huge advocate for personal development. You can even call it self-work, self-empowerment, and self-optimisation.
Identifying the triad within us is the first step to pushing through our self-limitations and living a more meaningful life.
So now let me summarise each element.
Fear of rejection
When we are afraid to get things done, and thus don’t get it done, we fuel our self-doubt and feed into our self-limitations. This then degrades our self-confidence which then increases our fear of rejection. A very vicious negative feedback loop.
But the core concept here is fear of rejection. It is the true obstacle of this loop that is reversible and within our control.
The moment we unshackle the fear and seek to get things done, we can feel more fulfilled. That in turn sets us up for a new and more self-serving feedback loop.
And always remember that in the early stages of putting in the work, success isn’t the goal, trying our best is.
Negative self-belief
This construct is made up of many smaller constructs but essentially, we always have a choice not to impose a negative perception on ourselves.
When I’ve said this to others, I’ve gotten responses like, “well you don’t understand what I’ve gone through in the past”.
This is true and I will never deny that or dilute one’s past experiences.
But the thought to ponder here is, do you really want to let it be a part of you forever?
If so, then fair enough. But if not, then let’s change the self-perception that has often become a habit.
We all have to be okay with expressing our greatness both to ourselves and others. We cannot keep believing that we are just flawed and this is who we are. Yes we are flawed but each and every one of us are great regardless.
We must always default to that when we perceive ourselves.
Emotional insecurities
And finally, this feeling is often indistinguishable from negative self-beliefs but their existence can be identified from these questions:
What do others say about you that trigger a negative response?
What do you think others believe about you in a negative light?
Unlike, negative self-beliefs where you perceive your being, emotional insecurities are how you perceive others perceiving you.
You can think about them as apps within your mind you’ve installed that you allow others to launch.
It very clearly fuels our self-limitations but my point is that we must take charge of deleting these apps that we allow others to launch.
For some of us, this might take a lot more work but it’s within our control. And more importantly, it will help us create healthier relationships with others.
Relevant: How to take things less personally
Overcoming self-limitations
So the point of me grouping these 3 constructs together is to make it clear to everyone that self-work will free us and give us the best odds of living a more meaningful life.
All 3 constructs are interconnected and they fuel each other. So we must work on all 3 at the same time.
We are all in this together going through the same issues we’ve imposed on each other and on ourselves. But unlike the former, we are in control of the latter.
I am still working on a proper structure to overcome these specific constructs but I hope you find ways to work on them til then.
Just always remember that you don’t need to hold on and subscribe to constructs that don’t serve you. You can let go and start believing that you’re worthy and absolutely made to own whatever you want to do.
🙌🏾🙏🏾💪🏾
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About Me
My name is Arun and I'm a 4th-year medical student at King's College London. I'm also a certified personal trainer and lifestyle photographer.
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For thoughts about this newsletter, please drop an email at hello@arunjayaraj.com