Hey everyone,
I forgot what I was doing the other day but I suddenly thought about how our perception of love affects nearly every aspect of our lives including our physical and mental health, productivity, and life purpose.
So I thought about how it has been for me and I reflected on my experiences with the construct of love. I wrote a list of lessons I would’ve told my 16 year-old-self that I believe would’ve helped him and, indirectly, the people he was going to love later on.
Please do share the ones that really resonate with you.
Love exists in multiple forms.
Love feels how you want it to feel.
We must never compare one love to another.
Not every positive feeling with the person you love is love.
Be upfront when the love is fading.
The feeling of love is dynamic, that’s a feature, not a bug.
Never rely on the feeling of love to sustain the relationship.
Be honest with how you want to be loved.
Share your love for someone sooner than later.
I remember love from the past more fondly as the years go by.
'Love' is just one label for a plethora of feelings that should have multiple labels.
You don't have to be 'loving' to show love.
Love is not always a good reason to stay.
Sacrificing your mental health in the name of love will help no one.
Don’t anticipate love, just enjoy what you have in the present.
Good love should free you from mental clutter.
Knowing when love is not loving anymore is crucial to your well-being.
It is important to be able to convey your idea of love.
It is important to be honest about how you prefer to show love.
It's important to understand how someone else prefers to be loved.
The love you give to someone in the present does not need to be compared to the love they’ve received in the past.
Each time I fell in love, it was a different love.
Never mistake anger as a deterioration of love.
A short-lived and fleeting love is still a significant love.
Never expect to receive the love you give out.
Appreciate the form of love you receive.
Our mortality makes love so much more valuable.
A love on screen is not one to be compared to.
Never seek a new being just to fulfil a love void.
Love must never be used as a bargaining chip to get what you want.
Being cynical about love helps no one.
Never put love on a pedestal.
Never try to replace someone's lack of love for you with another.
Love is a construct that we can mold and re-define.
Using love as guilt does not bring you more love.
Be mindful of misconstruing love for the need to fill a void of loneliness.
Love can be felt through silence and at a distance.
You can love several people at the same time, but it's not ideal.
Be open about your limitations with love.
Attempting to buy love is not sustainable.
You will always find another love.
The person you truly love is worth fighting for.
Don't get into the habit of expecting love, and people, to let you down.
The love from others will not change past experiences of pain.
The love from others will not fix a lack of self-love.
Falling out of love is absolutely natural.
Love is stabilized by trust.
Never withhold love out of anger and disagreement.
You don't have to love anyone else.
The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to love yourself.
In my opinion, one of the biggest issues with love is our inability to accept how flexible of a construct it is. It is so dynamic and I would argue that it shouldn’t be used so freely to label so many different types of emotions, actions, and connections.
But it is likely that our tendency to label many different things as love may have helped us all as humans come closer together. If that’s the case, I wouldn’t want it to be any different.
Ideally, the main thing I’d like you to take away from this personal reflection is that love should not be over-inflated when we are building a connection with another being.
We must never lose sight of the other constructs in the process such as honesty, respect, and acceptance which in my opinion, are much more sustainable constructs to build a connection on.
Either way, enjoy the love you have (even the one with yourself) and always seek to connect in the present with the people that matter.
Arun
About Me
My name is Arun and I'm a 4th-year medical student at King's College London. I'm also a certified personal trainer and lifestyle photographer.
I write about building a stronger mind, creating sustainable health habits, and accelerating personal growth.
Connect with me on Instagram and Twitter.
For thoughts about this newsletter, please drop an email at hello@arunjayaraj.com
Good one👍😊