How I got over my fear of judgment 😬
Happy Sunday!
Thanks for being here for the 15th issue of my newsletter.☀️
With consistent practice, my fear of judgment now is a very small fraction of what it used to be. It still pops up from time to time, but it doesn’t stop me from doing what I want to do.
In this newsletter, I'll share a reflection on my fear of judgment and the steps I took to get over it. From it, I’d like you to be mindful of how you can remove the fear of judgment as an obstacle between you and the things you’re passionate about.
Why I feared judgment
Basically, two elements of the self-limiting triad, insecurities and negative self-beliefs, heightened my social anxieties long enough for me to habitually avoid ‘judgment’. However, when I became mindful of my insecurities and when I cultivated more positive self-beliefs, the fear of judgment stopped feeling as crippling as before.
On a more conscious level, it wasn’t really about fearing judgment itself, it was about being afraid of feeling hurt by this judgment. Realizing this really helped me reframe the ‘fear of judgment’ to the ‘the fear of feeling hurt’.
This reframing was important because it put the ball back in my court. It made me mindful that I am in control of this feeling and no one has control over it.
So, to get over it, I needed to explore why I was fearing getting hurt.
Why I feared getting hurt
To me, this was simple to identify. There were several instances in my teens where I put myself out there and received very unsavory responses. And as you may know, when this happens in your teens while battling growing insecurities, the fear stays with you when you enter your 20s.
But it stayed because I developed a habitual need to protect myself. But when I think about it, I don’t know what I’m protecting myself from.
Just as I described in the raft parable, I needed to let go of this fear of hurt that protected me in the past. I mean, it didn’t actually protect me but it wasn’t as much of a hindrance as it became in my 20’s.
At that point, I knew I needed to alter my mindset and habitual need to ‘protect’ myself.
Actions that helped me get over these fears
One of the first few things that helped me make the fear of judgment less of a problem was to actively judge others less. As I practiced non-judgment as much as possible, I found very little reason to believe that others were judging me.
I became more mindful of my mortality and how every single moment I have is another moment I won't have again. So why would I let other people live in my mind?
I became fully aware that I am the only person that gets control of how I perceive the world. So I started trying to perceive the world in the most self-serving way possible.
I realized I don’t owe people their satisfaction with me and I don’t need to explain why I didn’t provide it. This is a daily affirmation that I remind myself to ensure I don’t fall into the old trap of fearing judgment and overly serving others. Instead, I always intentionally choose who I want to serve and who I will elaborate my actions for.
I started to focus on the people that benefit from who I am and what I have to say or do. By having this ultra-focus on them, I don’t think about who might not like the energy I’m putting out. Of course, I’m mindful of not hurting others but beyond that, I’m focused on people who will truly gain from me.
I do my best not to seek positive judgment either. In many ways, it can be as toxic as negative judgment. This is difficult in some areas like in work or university where the appraisal is important, but I do my best to perceive things as neutrally as possible.
Every day I am mindful of the things I’ve achieved and I’m very self-compassionate about my perceived limitations. This has really helped me reduce my negative self-beliefs and thus any fear of judgment. Because like, what is there to judge exactly?
And finally, putting myself out there despite my fears has helped me realize that I get hurt less each time I get hurt. This is just like the fear of rejection or dealing with confidence. Getting over the fear of judgment requires a habit of putting myself out there to be judged.
All these videos, photos, tweets, and newsletters put me in a good position to be judged and feel personally hurt. And it has in the past. But honestly, it feels great now because I don’t allow the habit of fear to prevail. I just do it out of a deep self-belief and will deal with any form of judgment or backlash when it comes. I believe that’s the best way for me to live.
Brief takeaways to help you overcome your fears
Most people are caring about themselves more than they’ll ever care about who you are or what you do.
Even if people judge you, it’s well within their right to. How you perceive that is your choice.
Defaulting to fear is a habit that you can get rid of.
Affirmations and reminders of your strengths will help you avoid defaulting to fear.
If you tend to judge others, it’ll hurt you more than it’ll hurt them. Practice non-judgment as much as possible.
When you teach and help others feel better, you will forget about potential judgment. You will only think about how you’ll deprive people of happiness if you stop doing what you do.
You’re not here for that long, don’t waste your time with the thoughts of others.
You, your mind, your actions, your weirdness, your care, your love, your weaknesses, and your faults will always exist in various forms. But be self-compassionate and find ways to use them all to your advantage.
That’s all from me! If you found this issue useful, do consider sharing this with your friends and on your social media pages to help this benefit more people!
Resources
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About Me
My name is Arun and I'm a 4th-year medical student at King's College London. I'm also a certified personal trainer and fitness photographer.